The weekend is right at my doorstep. Will be posting some further thoughts and reflections for the day since I am waiting for the computer system to compile the data and information I have inputed so far. After that, I should be able to retire for the night. Tonight's mood is a bit sombre, because I am feeling a little out-of-mood, and it's supposed to be friday night. Party night should I say. Hhmm let's hope the mood picks up later tonight...
Sometimes its indeed not easy to get along well with someone. Perhaps the chinese phase of 相见如意, 相处难 is really true. My parents also berated me for having a nasty and stubborn temper, which would make things at a disadvantage for me. But I realised that I dun do that to friends, more towards the people I love. So whenever a quarrel or misunderstanding occurs, sometimes I would choose to walk away from it all. Perhaps hoping that things would get better after we have cooled down. Not too sure if that is the right mentality. But that is simply just me....
Let's pray for the best and hope we can overcome all that....
Friday, 31 August 2012
How lame can I be??
Nowadays I seemed to be spending a lot of time with her. In the past, we have talked about how we should be spending less time on drinking, and devoting our quality time on other healthier activities. Well if u mean devoting time to having more dinners together, then I guess it is definitely the healthier option. It was so different when we meet and catch up during the first to 2 months when we get to know each other better. Then food is never a good option as slimming down is the priority then. But the night before, I actually heard for a long long time that u were hungry and perhaps craving for food then :). Health and slimming should go hand in hand and rely on proper diet and exercise. But knowing me, I have a sweet tooth for food and desserts which are sinful and higher in calories, and I appreciate the effort and time she put into going out with me and eating much more than her usual volume of food.
We had a enjoyable evening of good food (think of seafood platter at Manhatten Fish Market), good desserts (delicious ice cream and apply creampie), and finally a good jug of drinks (a bitter taste followed by a new improved proper jug of beer). The night ended with us making our own way home for the evening.
Sometimes I suspect I write for the sake of writing because I know she is looking forward to my blog for my thoughts and feelings for the day, so I simply write. Sometimes I suspect she also doubt whether I have a day job at my school because I seemed to have plenty of time on my side. Sometimes I suspect that due to my at times fiery temper and her straight talking, one party has to give or we would end up having the quarrel of the century. Sometimes I suspect whether I am just patronising her or I simply just love her too much. Perhaps sometimes I am just someone lame and petty, so there is not a need to bother about me too much. It's tiring and energy zapping having to justify myself all the time.....
Sometimes perhaps, love alone is simply not enough. Love may be more about practicality afterall. If that is the case, then perhaps it's a really sad and harsh reality bite for me.
If you have not heard about this song before, then this song reflects my current thoughts...
"But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough" - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough, Don Henley
We had a enjoyable evening of good food (think of seafood platter at Manhatten Fish Market), good desserts (delicious ice cream and apply creampie), and finally a good jug of drinks (a bitter taste followed by a new improved proper jug of beer). The night ended with us making our own way home for the evening.
Sometimes I suspect I write for the sake of writing because I know she is looking forward to my blog for my thoughts and feelings for the day, so I simply write. Sometimes I suspect she also doubt whether I have a day job at my school because I seemed to have plenty of time on my side. Sometimes I suspect that due to my at times fiery temper and her straight talking, one party has to give or we would end up having the quarrel of the century. Sometimes I suspect whether I am just patronising her or I simply just love her too much. Perhaps sometimes I am just someone lame and petty, so there is not a need to bother about me too much. It's tiring and energy zapping having to justify myself all the time.....
Sometimes perhaps, love alone is simply not enough. Love may be more about practicality afterall. If that is the case, then perhaps it's a really sad and harsh reality bite for me.
If you have not heard about this song before, then this song reflects my current thoughts...
"But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough" - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough, Don Henley
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
The horizontal issue...
Nowadays my Dear is keeping a close tab as to whether I have done my homework (via updating my blog). Indeed it can be quite a challenge having to come up with new topics to reflect for the day.I guess perhaps today I shall touch on the all-time sensitive topic for the modern women - Weight!!
Over the past year or so, even before I get to know Dear, she has actually embarked on a strict slimming regime which has already saw her lost more than 10kgs since then. Lately, because she can be seen sticking pretty close to me, she cannot help but stared long and hard at whichever direction which has the slightest glimpse of images of us together hand in hand (Think of mirrors and glass around shopping malls or buildings). And she could not help but bombarded me with questions on whether we looked compatible together. My almost immediate answer is always one with a positive "Yes", even though at times she would really doubt the sincerity of my answer. I believe she will always think of my answer as a politically correct one :)
As much as she might not really believe what I saw, I always try to convince and comfort her by saying that she is good enough the way I see her. Perhaps all the while I have been so used to being with partners who usually looked bigger than me, whether it is vertically or horizontally. And all the while I have never been bothered or feel awkward with them. To me, these are merely statistics which may mean a lot to Dear, but these statistics do not mean as much as my feelings for her. Knowing how concerned she is with regards to keeping her weight down as much as possible (a further 8kg is what is keeping us apart, according to her for now), so I know the horizontal figures will only get shorter instead of longer. Perhaps for me, I have always been more obsessed with her curves being in the right places in the sizes I desire. LOL.
For now, I will tend to agree with a further loss of 8kg being just a strong desire to look better with slimmer looks. Nobody's perfect. But for now, I still love Dear for what she is now.
"nobody's a picture perfect
but we're worth it
you know that we're worth it."- Dark Side, Kelly Clarkson
Over the past year or so, even before I get to know Dear, she has actually embarked on a strict slimming regime which has already saw her lost more than 10kgs since then. Lately, because she can be seen sticking pretty close to me, she cannot help but stared long and hard at whichever direction which has the slightest glimpse of images of us together hand in hand (Think of mirrors and glass around shopping malls or buildings). And she could not help but bombarded me with questions on whether we looked compatible together. My almost immediate answer is always one with a positive "Yes", even though at times she would really doubt the sincerity of my answer. I believe she will always think of my answer as a politically correct one :)
As much as she might not really believe what I saw, I always try to convince and comfort her by saying that she is good enough the way I see her. Perhaps all the while I have been so used to being with partners who usually looked bigger than me, whether it is vertically or horizontally. And all the while I have never been bothered or feel awkward with them. To me, these are merely statistics which may mean a lot to Dear, but these statistics do not mean as much as my feelings for her. Knowing how concerned she is with regards to keeping her weight down as much as possible (a further 8kg is what is keeping us apart, according to her for now), so I know the horizontal figures will only get shorter instead of longer. Perhaps for me, I have always been more obsessed with her curves being in the right places in the sizes I desire. LOL.
For now, I will tend to agree with a further loss of 8kg being just a strong desire to look better with slimmer looks. Nobody's perfect. But for now, I still love Dear for what she is now.
"nobody's a picture perfect
but we're worth it
you know that we're worth it."- Dark Side, Kelly Clarkson
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Lost and found
Sorry for not posting for the past 3 days, as I was spending most of my weekend with Dear (Think sat evening to late Sun evening, more than 24 hours, record breaking :)) Guess I must have caused my Dear some anxious moments when she saw that I have not been doing my "homework". So for the record, the "lost" child is finally here to continue his wonderful journey with the woman he loves.
There are a few insightful moments during the week end which I would like to write about today.
Finally my Dear decided to head to church with me on Sat evening. For a non-Christian liker her, I believe she would have her reservations and concerns when going to church for the very first time. Well I have my first time too as a non-believer, and I can truly understand these reservations and concerns. But then again, I believe in going to church with an open mind and heart, even for now.With all the energetic gospel singing by the wonderful female church singers, backed by group of backup singers and strong casting of band, such a moment is akin to watching my favourite singers at a live concert. I enjoyed the times watching that with my Dear, hand in hand. This is followed by my pastor Ronny giving his usual speech via the phrases quoted in the bible. All these while I tried observing my Dear during her first such session. She seemed expressionless at times but, apart from a slight scare when my mum tried to take the initiative to get a fellow sister to preach to Dear about the teachings from God, I felt that she enjoyed her first session with my God. Perhaps a slight commotion of an intruder running on our level where we were conducting our church session, frantically throwing flier after flier into the air and was finally subdued by the church personnel. A flier dictating that our paster Ronny and Sim are selfish people who are trying to control our fellow Christians' strong beliefs in the preachings of God for their personal gains and glory. Something weird and different that has happened which perhaps is more of the highlight of the day for my Dear.
The Singapore flyer was a first but meaningful ride for me because I get to experience it with my Dear and her precious on Sun afternoon. Even though I was not feeling that well, probably still feeling the effects of the drinks the night before with my Dear. I believe the comforting moment for me is when her precious never failed to brighten up whenever she saw me, and hold my hand as if I am someone close and whom she felt comfortable with. Perhaps at some moments in time, we also end up looking like a family with Dear around. Let's hope such feel-good feelings continue :)
Yesterday, Dear was in a fluster in the morning as her ex hubby renaged on his promise to pick up her precious from her home by being terribly late again, and hence she is not able to head to work on time. That sort of reminded me of my conversation with her at the coffeeshop near my place yesterday having tim sum. I remembered her telling me that before she met me, she would spend many lonely moments at home if her daughter refused to come home with her from her in-laws' place. Her 5 years of marriage basically killed her social life, as well as deepening her hatred towards her ex hubby for the way she was treated. She talked about how she used to cry whenever her daughter refused to come home to now gradually feeling more at ease with her precious at her in laws' place because she can get to hang out with me more often. End of the day, of course I would wish that she can keep a balance between me and her precious so that her relationship with either of us can well and truly improve to a real bonding stage.
Dun worry Dear. Leave behind your hatred for an ex-love in Derrick the absolute jerk to a new love in me. I may not be your perfect man but I will be the one who showers TLC to u. Lonely moments no more :)
"伤口慢慢愈合, 再被爱报复" - 宽恕, 神木与瞳
There are a few insightful moments during the week end which I would like to write about today.
Finally my Dear decided to head to church with me on Sat evening. For a non-Christian liker her, I believe she would have her reservations and concerns when going to church for the very first time. Well I have my first time too as a non-believer, and I can truly understand these reservations and concerns. But then again, I believe in going to church with an open mind and heart, even for now.With all the energetic gospel singing by the wonderful female church singers, backed by group of backup singers and strong casting of band, such a moment is akin to watching my favourite singers at a live concert. I enjoyed the times watching that with my Dear, hand in hand. This is followed by my pastor Ronny giving his usual speech via the phrases quoted in the bible. All these while I tried observing my Dear during her first such session. She seemed expressionless at times but, apart from a slight scare when my mum tried to take the initiative to get a fellow sister to preach to Dear about the teachings from God, I felt that she enjoyed her first session with my God. Perhaps a slight commotion of an intruder running on our level where we were conducting our church session, frantically throwing flier after flier into the air and was finally subdued by the church personnel. A flier dictating that our paster Ronny and Sim are selfish people who are trying to control our fellow Christians' strong beliefs in the preachings of God for their personal gains and glory. Something weird and different that has happened which perhaps is more of the highlight of the day for my Dear.
The Singapore flyer was a first but meaningful ride for me because I get to experience it with my Dear and her precious on Sun afternoon. Even though I was not feeling that well, probably still feeling the effects of the drinks the night before with my Dear. I believe the comforting moment for me is when her precious never failed to brighten up whenever she saw me, and hold my hand as if I am someone close and whom she felt comfortable with. Perhaps at some moments in time, we also end up looking like a family with Dear around. Let's hope such feel-good feelings continue :)
Yesterday, Dear was in a fluster in the morning as her ex hubby renaged on his promise to pick up her precious from her home by being terribly late again, and hence she is not able to head to work on time. That sort of reminded me of my conversation with her at the coffeeshop near my place yesterday having tim sum. I remembered her telling me that before she met me, she would spend many lonely moments at home if her daughter refused to come home with her from her in-laws' place. Her 5 years of marriage basically killed her social life, as well as deepening her hatred towards her ex hubby for the way she was treated. She talked about how she used to cry whenever her daughter refused to come home to now gradually feeling more at ease with her precious at her in laws' place because she can get to hang out with me more often. End of the day, of course I would wish that she can keep a balance between me and her precious so that her relationship with either of us can well and truly improve to a real bonding stage.
Dun worry Dear. Leave behind your hatred for an ex-love in Derrick the absolute jerk to a new love in me. I may not be your perfect man but I will be the one who showers TLC to u. Lonely moments no more :)
"伤口慢慢愈合, 再被爱报复" - 宽恕, 神木与瞳
Friday, 24 August 2012
Mr Nice Guy? Or simply Mr Hypocrite?
Today's blog is gonna be precise and perhaps some very true thoughts of mine. My sincere apologies as I can sense that I would probably by falling sick before the end of tonight.
Today's thoughts brings to mine the very first blog I wrote which centres around the notion of Mr Nice Guy. I often see myself as one, which brought me my fair share of joys and sorrows. But sad to say, being Mr Nice Guy is a sorrowful thing to do today. Sometimes Mr Nice Guy simply means I have to make other people happy at the expense of myself. I think towards friends whom I may care about, and towards the one I love, I tend to be very justifiable towards the things they do, even though their actions and thoughts are simply downright ridiculous. I see myself facing that predicament today, to the extent that I seemed to be justifying the way and actions of the people around me.
E has the audacity to cry foul for the way people has been smearing his reputation, despite the clear fact that he has a history of not being totally dishonest when it comes to money issues, whether it has to do with notpaying for his drinks in other pubs, or trying all means and tactics to deceive innocent gals in forking out their hard earned money to feed his desire for alcohol. Sometimes I really wonder if he has a gambling or alcohol issue. But the bottomline is I tend to give people like him the benefit of the doubt, and not handing the death penalty when it comes to his character and integrity. I stopped short of calling him a hypocrite to a certain extent. How do we define hypocrite? Cambridge dictionary defines the meaning of hypocrite as a person who pretends to have morals, virtues, principles and beliefs. But wait a minute, by concurring with his actions and words and trying to even justifying E at times, does that not make me a hypocrite as well? Because I have not stick to my morals and beliefs? Or does Mr Nice Guy do that all the time?
And why is it that tonight, I seemed to have issues with my Dear as well? When I say I dun meet her tonight (since we are planning for a long night of drinks with her friend W) due to certain reasons which I consider valid from a health's and financial's point of view, she said I have changed and according to her exact words "Dun talk crap, now u dun wan to meet me la". When I decided to allow myself to be killed over alcohol abuse despite my incessant coughing by arranging with another friend so that I can meet my Dear tonight, she said just kidding with me and she has no intention to go out tonight.
So?????? What does that leave me??? When I dun meet her, she will say I have changed and dun love her enough. When she dun feel like going, she will say I am petty and dun see her kind of humour. I dun know anymore. When I go with her wishes, I am her Mr Nice Guy. When I dun comply, I seemed to be the Mr Hypocrite. Sometimes, I feel that I am simply too accomodating, to the extent that I dun know who I am.
I think I am developing a fever now. And the cough is not making me any better. Perhaps for once, I should be kind to myself and also buy myself a bottle of cough mixture to tide myself over just for the night. Heading home to rest soon..................
My grudges and complains tonight do not mean that I have stopped loving u. But sometimes there is a reason when I request u to cut me some slack.....
See u tomorrow Dear, if somehow u can see through what I am writing tonight and understand my thoughts better.
Sorry no song lyrics tonight, guess I am too sick to think of one.....
Today's thoughts brings to mine the very first blog I wrote which centres around the notion of Mr Nice Guy. I often see myself as one, which brought me my fair share of joys and sorrows. But sad to say, being Mr Nice Guy is a sorrowful thing to do today. Sometimes Mr Nice Guy simply means I have to make other people happy at the expense of myself. I think towards friends whom I may care about, and towards the one I love, I tend to be very justifiable towards the things they do, even though their actions and thoughts are simply downright ridiculous. I see myself facing that predicament today, to the extent that I seemed to be justifying the way and actions of the people around me.
E has the audacity to cry foul for the way people has been smearing his reputation, despite the clear fact that he has a history of not being totally dishonest when it comes to money issues, whether it has to do with notpaying for his drinks in other pubs, or trying all means and tactics to deceive innocent gals in forking out their hard earned money to feed his desire for alcohol. Sometimes I really wonder if he has a gambling or alcohol issue. But the bottomline is I tend to give people like him the benefit of the doubt, and not handing the death penalty when it comes to his character and integrity. I stopped short of calling him a hypocrite to a certain extent. How do we define hypocrite? Cambridge dictionary defines the meaning of hypocrite as a person who pretends to have morals, virtues, principles and beliefs. But wait a minute, by concurring with his actions and words and trying to even justifying E at times, does that not make me a hypocrite as well? Because I have not stick to my morals and beliefs? Or does Mr Nice Guy do that all the time?
And why is it that tonight, I seemed to have issues with my Dear as well? When I say I dun meet her tonight (since we are planning for a long night of drinks with her friend W) due to certain reasons which I consider valid from a health's and financial's point of view, she said I have changed and according to her exact words "Dun talk crap, now u dun wan to meet me la". When I decided to allow myself to be killed over alcohol abuse despite my incessant coughing by arranging with another friend so that I can meet my Dear tonight, she said just kidding with me and she has no intention to go out tonight.
So?????? What does that leave me??? When I dun meet her, she will say I have changed and dun love her enough. When she dun feel like going, she will say I am petty and dun see her kind of humour. I dun know anymore. When I go with her wishes, I am her Mr Nice Guy. When I dun comply, I seemed to be the Mr Hypocrite. Sometimes, I feel that I am simply too accomodating, to the extent that I dun know who I am.
I think I am developing a fever now. And the cough is not making me any better. Perhaps for once, I should be kind to myself and also buy myself a bottle of cough mixture to tide myself over just for the night. Heading home to rest soon..................
My grudges and complains tonight do not mean that I have stopped loving u. But sometimes there is a reason when I request u to cut me some slack.....
See u tomorrow Dear, if somehow u can see through what I am writing tonight and understand my thoughts better.
Sorry no song lyrics tonight, guess I am too sick to think of one.....
Thursday, 23 August 2012
When jealousy sets in....
Plenty of feel-good thoughts for the day :). Last night I had a really enjoyable evening with Dear at my now regular haunt (Lau Pat Sat), which is filled with plenty of good food for us to enjoy. The slight drizzle did not dampened our mood and subsequently we proceeded to Mr Bean's at Selegie for dessert before making our way to MIXXX for drinks.
Perhaps the beer has an effect on my Dear after a while, but for the first time, she actually admitted that she got jealous of me waiting and talking to a waitress, someone she deemed as the type of gal I would go for. Wow!!! Finally Dear shown her true feelings and revealed her jealousy streak in front of me. Somehow I tried to pacify her but at the same time, I was feeling ecstatic and relieved. I realised that I have gradually became an important and special person in her life, and she gets "uneasy" when she sees me with another gal. I conclude that her feelings for me are true, and perhaps when her divorce is finally settled, I hope we can bring our relationship to the next level.
Dear, I hope you do not see your previous relationship with Derrick as a norm to u in gauging your future relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the guy picking up the tabs for most of the outings we have. I feel privilleged and I want to be the person who will care and support u in future. I will work hard and promise not to let u go back to that lowly lifestyle again. In time to come, forget about Derrick and I promise that the nightmare u used to have will be overtaken by all the sweet and realistic dreams of me coming into your life. And of course this will also include your precious.
We had another magical night and I love u more and more.....
"我们用多一点点的辛苦, 来交换多一点点的幸福" - 爱请证书, Stepanie Sun
Perhaps the beer has an effect on my Dear after a while, but for the first time, she actually admitted that she got jealous of me waiting and talking to a waitress, someone she deemed as the type of gal I would go for. Wow!!! Finally Dear shown her true feelings and revealed her jealousy streak in front of me. Somehow I tried to pacify her but at the same time, I was feeling ecstatic and relieved. I realised that I have gradually became an important and special person in her life, and she gets "uneasy" when she sees me with another gal. I conclude that her feelings for me are true, and perhaps when her divorce is finally settled, I hope we can bring our relationship to the next level.
Dear, I hope you do not see your previous relationship with Derrick as a norm to u in gauging your future relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the guy picking up the tabs for most of the outings we have. I feel privilleged and I want to be the person who will care and support u in future. I will work hard and promise not to let u go back to that lowly lifestyle again. In time to come, forget about Derrick and I promise that the nightmare u used to have will be overtaken by all the sweet and realistic dreams of me coming into your life. And of course this will also include your precious.
We had another magical night and I love u more and more.....
"我们用多一点点的辛苦, 来交换多一点点的幸福" - 爱请证书, Stepanie Sun
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
Early thoughts for the day....
Perhaps its too early to conclude all my thoughts for the day, but for a start I felt a bit disturbed by my dear's predicament for the morning. Perhaps I can start to understand how a minor disruption in the morning can have a devastating effect on the rest of the day. Apparently, her soon-to-be ex husband failed to pick up her precious on time, plus her soon-to-be father-in-law could not afford the time to pick her up as well. Hence Dear is forced to stay at home to look after her precious before any of them come to pick her up. Naturally this made Dear totally delayed and unable to make it to work this morning. And I believe because of that, somehow her boss came to know about it and made things difficult.
Dear, I know you must be feeling really upset and down because of your ex husband. I know his tardiness and irresponsibility are two of the many reasons for u wanting to leave him. I hope later in the day you will feel better when u meet up with me. Whatever it is, I will always be there for u. Whenever u need me, I will be there for u. Just ring me when u feel like it. I promise to be a responsible person to u when u need me to.
Cheer up Dear?? Muacks n lots of love :)
"你快乐, 所以我快乐" - Faye Wong
Dear, I know you must be feeling really upset and down because of your ex husband. I know his tardiness and irresponsibility are two of the many reasons for u wanting to leave him. I hope later in the day you will feel better when u meet up with me. Whatever it is, I will always be there for u. Whenever u need me, I will be there for u. Just ring me when u feel like it. I promise to be a responsible person to u when u need me to.
Cheer up Dear?? Muacks n lots of love :)
"你快乐, 所以我快乐" - Faye Wong
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)