I realised that I have not updated my blog for almost a month, and I probably have to say sorry to this "blog" for only updating when something happened to our relationship. And perhaps also sorry to u. In the course of our relationship, and in the course of our communication, I admit there have been some thoughts and feelings I did not say to u upfront. Many a times, I would think about what is the best way to bring out something to u without provoking you. Along the way, I have to take care of your fragile temper and temperament. I may not be a perfect person, and I do have a lot of shortcomings. But the bottomline is, I care and love u a lot. My communication skills may not be tip-top, but I try my best to communicate across to u.
I did some soul searching for the past 2 days. This is my point of view. As we developed further into the relationship, intense feelings and actions, such as love and intimacy are part and parcel of a normal relationship. Through the course of all my previous relationships, including the one I had with Dawn, my married partner, these are the things me and my partner do. And I do not see anything wrong with that. To me, initmacy is more than just lust. It also meant a certain level of bonding and understanding between 2 people in love with each other. When we walked together, when we talked to each other or even when we felt sad or happy, the occasional grasp of the arm, the arming of the shoulder or even a pat on the thigh, simply meant u wanna tell the other party, "No matter how things turn out, u have been a Dear, and I appreciate u being there for me." After the end of a long day, whether at work or vacation, a simple embrace or peck would make the day's efforts worth it. If such actions are considered excessive, then perhaps all this while, this "friend" which is me has been too excessive in the relationship.
What I have just mentioned, these have been my point and thought of view. Given your current status, I believe you feel that these actions may be considered excessive. I met up with Joyce on sun afternoon and we spoke a lot. Or rather I spoke a lot while she listened. She wanted me to hang on and hope for the best. I admit in the midst of our relationship, there has indeed been frustrations. But there has also been plenty of joys. We may not be compatible in many ways, we may think differently. We may even feel that the other party can be unreasonable at times. But end of the day, I hope we can still work things out. If the feelings are still there, I believe we can still make it. I know a lot of things and situations, u have to consider W. I never begrudge or moan about your priorities toward her, and I respect that.
As I promised, no staying over at your place, no intimacy and no body contact till you are comfortable or after your divorce is settled. That is my commitment to u for now. I dun know how and what u feel towards me now. Due to your status. and my situation, I know you are holding back. For now, let's just hope for the best.
Take care Dear. And I say again. My feelings for u never changed. If you still care for me, I hope you think of me at times.
