Days without U- Day 4 (7th August, cloudy)

    I think gradually, all these postings will reflect my daily life and feelings, and thoughts for the day spending without u. Today I felt more at ease, at least for now even though the day is not over yet. Am I feeling better, or is that the calm before the storm? Only God knows. But alas I still thinking of you :)

   Received a call from our dear Eric during lunch. Actually it's more of returning his call since he tried to sms me late last night past midnight because he seemed to be moody (men men) last night. Turned out he went out for drinks at his nearby coffeeshop and got emotional. And I thought I should be the one getting emotional and trying to heal a broken heart in the weeks or perhaps months to come.

   He told me u asked about me, and how I'm doing. I was happy initially, because I thought perhaps u still care. Then he told me that u are worried, or rather scared that I may appear at your house again. Then my mood went downhill again. Then you mentioned to him about bringing me to meet new gals. Suddenly, I realised that perhaps you really want me to just move on and forget about you. Perhaps all these while, the feel-good feelings, thoughts and actions accumulated between us do not exist anymore. I guess efforts do not always equate to rewards. I was heartbroken, to say the least. Total understatement.

   After I hung up the phone with Eric, I still do not know why he was being emotional last night. Was it Rachel (he told me a lot about how he was accused of still owing $400 beer money)? I dun think so because I know he dun really care. So who else can it be? I guess it must be one of his gals again. In the past whenever I hung up his phone, I would take the first chance to call you and discuss, or rather gossip about stuff like that and make our own silly speculations. And we will have a good laugh over it. Now I dun think it will ever happen again, and I felt a stinging pain inside me.

  I have the sudden urge to call u, but I know things are different now. Perhaps you feel differently now. Another long long night for me, just like the previous 3 nights. But wait perhaps not so long as I got class tonight. Will volunteer to do another class for tomorrow night as well. At least the night is shorter and more bearable.......

  STILL WAITING FOR THE CHANCE TO RECONCILE WITH U. AND STILL MISS U LOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  "就是这一失眠的夜, 我就会彷望你的出现" - 失眠夜