Today's blog is gonna be precise and perhaps some very true thoughts of mine. My sincere apologies as I can sense that I would probably by falling sick before the end of tonight.
Today's thoughts brings to mine the very first blog I wrote which centres around the notion of Mr Nice Guy. I often see myself as one, which brought me my fair share of joys and sorrows. But sad to say, being Mr Nice Guy is a sorrowful thing to do today. Sometimes Mr Nice Guy simply means I have to make other people happy at the expense of myself. I think towards friends whom I may care about, and towards the one I love, I tend to be very justifiable towards the things they do, even though their actions and thoughts are simply downright ridiculous. I see myself facing that predicament today, to the extent that I seemed to be justifying the way and actions of the people around me.
E has the audacity to cry foul for the way people has been smearing his reputation, despite the clear fact that he has a history of not being totally dishonest when it comes to money issues, whether it has to do with notpaying for his drinks in other pubs, or trying all means and tactics to deceive innocent gals in forking out their hard earned money to feed his desire for alcohol. Sometimes I really wonder if he has a gambling or alcohol issue. But the bottomline is I tend to give people like him the benefit of the doubt, and not handing the death penalty when it comes to his character and integrity. I stopped short of calling him a hypocrite to a certain extent. How do we define hypocrite? Cambridge dictionary defines the meaning of hypocrite as a person who pretends to have morals, virtues, principles and beliefs. But wait a minute, by concurring with his actions and words and trying to even justifying E at times, does that not make me a hypocrite as well? Because I have not stick to my morals and beliefs? Or does Mr Nice Guy do that all the time?
And why is it that tonight, I seemed to have issues with my Dear as well? When I say I dun meet her tonight (since we are planning for a long night of drinks with her friend W) due to certain reasons which I consider valid from a health's and financial's point of view, she said I have changed and according to her exact words "Dun talk crap, now u dun wan to meet me la". When I decided to allow myself to be killed over alcohol abuse despite my incessant coughing by arranging with another friend so that I can meet my Dear tonight, she said just kidding with me and she has no intention to go out tonight.
So?????? What does that leave me??? When I dun meet her, she will say I have changed and dun love her enough. When she dun feel like going, she will say I am petty and dun see her kind of humour. I dun know anymore. When I go with her wishes, I am her Mr Nice Guy. When I dun comply, I seemed to be the Mr Hypocrite. Sometimes, I feel that I am simply too accomodating, to the extent that I dun know who I am.
I think I am developing a fever now. And the cough is not making me any better. Perhaps for once, I should be kind to myself and also buy myself a bottle of cough mixture to tide myself over just for the night. Heading home to rest soon..................
My grudges and complains tonight do not mean that I have stopped loving u. But sometimes there is a reason when I request u to cut me some slack.....
See u tomorrow Dear, if somehow u can see through what I am writing tonight and understand my thoughts better.
Sorry no song lyrics tonight, guess I am too sick to think of one.....
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