It has been a while since I update my blog. And perhaps the blog today is written with a slight heavy heart. Prejudice can take on different styles, ranging from belittling people based on their racial and colour status. Because of things which we may not like to hear or see, we tend to look at certain events and issues with prejudice. Being pure human beings, I believe every one of us have a certain level of prejudice in our hearts. Facing the one u love, are we able to put aside our prejudice for events that have already happened, discussed and hence forget and forgive? Forgiving may be a Yes, but many a times unless we have anaesia, forgetting may be a tad hard to do.
I am no saint myself, and perhaps many a times, I may have committed an act or action which may seemed playful and innocent at that time. But at this point in time, I believe the "If I spare time for Sharon, I can spare time for u" sms will perhaps be a permanent blemish in the relationship. I may have said this a thousand times, but given her character and temperament, I dun believe she will forget and forgive. Are there things I can do to remedy this, I often ask her as well. Perhaps to put it in another way, is your heart big enough to put it aside and perhaps gradually able to forgive?
Many a times, I hope for things to work out between us. Many a times, we may think differently and even have different priorities in life. But does that mean that we cannot try to accomodate each other and minimise the weaknesses and magnify the strengths instead?
I had a huge quarrel with mum again 2 nights ago. Many a time, the talk ratio is usually 80:20 in my mum's favour. My dad often tell me never to talk back to my mum, no matter how unreasonable she is. But I never understand why my mum always like to dig out Sara and pitpoint my failure with her, even though we have been seperated for almost 5 years. My mum smashed the broom into 2 that night and vented her full anger at me when I berated her for having a low EQ and always digging out the Sara issue again. My dad was not at home at that time, and I went out for some time alone that night. During this time when my dad was back, he heard and understood the details of the quarrel with my mum, and perhaps from an old man's point of view, he told my mum that I may have my mistakes and issues, but who does not? But if u really love this son, the past should not be always brought up to magnify his failure, and instead embrace him for his continuing efforts to make things right this time.
The reason why I bring up this quarrel incident is because I feel that it is closely related to that stigma that is in your heart right now. The Eugene u know is trying his best to make things work for us, and also barring himself from any contact whatsoever with Eye. And assuming he has a decent level of EQ and IQ, knowing how close u are with Eye, there is no reason for me to get into anything deeper with her, and no reason for the classical "shit in your own backyard".
I say all this again not to defend myself, which I already try to reason a couple of times. Right now I can only treat you as normal with a subtle heart. All along I never wanted to jeopardise anything between us and my opinions and views still stand. Eye will never be the reason why we may have to break up eventually because if she really is, I guess it will be one of my deepest regrets. To me, u are definitely worth more than that.....
It does take time I understand. But I hope end of the day, we are able to love and trust without prejudice. Yes I may love to look and see. Yes I do admire some other gals at times. But right now, I know exactly where my heart stands, and it has always been with u....
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